Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
