did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
