Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
