I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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