do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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