This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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