You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
