I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
