Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
