god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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