i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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