Your tits are I can't wait for
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
