I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
