And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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