Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
