I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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