yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
