My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
