apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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