You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
