so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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