The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I believe in your delicious
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
