i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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