dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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