Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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