I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
