Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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