why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
