It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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