Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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