god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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