You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
