I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
