mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
