just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
