my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
