hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
