So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
