I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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