Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
