Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
