You made me cry and you don't even care
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
