I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
