i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
