Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry about my life...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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