Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
