At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
