I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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