ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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