i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
