Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
