WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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