I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
