I'm drive I can fine osifer
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
