she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
